Stupid Ent Jokes
What's the difference between an Ent and a Tree?
They'd tell you but it would take about a thousand years.
Who's Treebeard's favorite Disney character?
Tossup between Grandmother Willow (Pocahontas) and Woody (Toy Story)
What's Treebeard's favorite TV show?
Everwood.
What do you call an Ent with no trunk and no branches?
Leif.
What do you call an Ent in the Entwash?
Bob.
Alternate answer:
Dirty pool. -The Foe Hammer
Q.What did the Ent say when told someone was talking about him?
Hoom?
Q: If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no ent to hear him,
does he have to confess at the next ent-moot?
Q: What did Fangorn say to Quickbeam when he heard about all of these bad jokes?
"'Punish 'em Ent wood' fit the crime!"
Q: Why don't ents have Jamaica-night parties?
The can't do the limb-0!
Thanks to all who honor Treebeard, the man of my dreams. Tall,
dark, deep thinking, slow to anger, a shoulder to lean on, defender,
crusader, and dripping in green and gold.
Treebeard's Voicemail
(TREEBEARD): "Hroom! You've reached Treebeard of Fangorn
Forest. Please leave a message, but don't be hasty. Speak
slowly. Very slowly. Think about what you want to say very
carefully. Don't rush. Spell your name, speaking each letter
succinctly. I promise to return your call, however, I cannot say
when. Hroom! Must not be hasty. Once I carefully think through what
my reply should be, I will call you back, saying each word slowly,
very slowly ..... BEEP ............
(GIMLI): "You've reached Gimli the dwarf. Due to a hasty, likely
regrettable promise, I'm busy packing, as tomorrow I leave to go
trapsing through Fangorn forest with Legolas. If I do not return,
I leave my axe collection to my friends at Aglarond, and my most
prized possession - Galadriel's lock of hair - is to be given
it's own shrine there. If this is Treebeard, PLEASE stop with
the prank calls. If I hear one more chant of "the eyes, the eyes,
beware of the eyes!", and Quickbeam snickering in the background -
I'm NOT GOING!"
Boromir discusses with Linaewen the possibilities of a Treebeard tale
**Linaewen is pacing the room, tearing at her hair. Boromir sits
calmly, one hip up on the table, inspecting his nails.**
Lin: I can't believe you are doing this to me! First you complain
that I'm not getting on fast enough with your story, then you come
up with this wild idea that I should do a Treebeard inkling for
Treebeard Day that has you in it!
Boromir: Come now! You know you like a good challenge. If you can
manage to defend my honor by engaging in a limerick war for hours
on end, surely you can manage a short tale about Treebeard.
Lin: Do you realize how complicated it would be? You said yourself
in the book that you have never been there. How can I get past
that?
Boromir: You are very clever, Linaewen. I know you will come up with a plan.
Lin: Well, thank you...I think!
**Linaewen stands looking at the ceiling, thinking furiously.**
Lin: I don't know...what about a limerick instead?
It's one thing to write of Ent Treebeard;
(It is not so hard as I once feared!)
But bring Boromir there,
And people will stare!
It really is just very weird.
Boromir: Now, now...you can do better than that.
**Linaewen continues to pace. Suddenly she stops short, then quickly
resumes her pacing, glancing at Boromir out of the corner of her
eye to see if he has noticed.**
Boromir: So, you have thought of something.
Lin: (sighing) Yes...it might work...but I don't know if I can
manage it in time. Treebeard Day might be over before I can work
it up.
Boromir: No matter. Do they not sometimes allow late submissions?
Lin: Yes, I suppose so...even if not, it might be interesting to try it anyway...
**She picks up a pen and paper and starts scribbling some
notes. After a moment she goes to the bookcase and gets down The
Atlas of Middle-earth and The Return of the King, to check maps
and dates. Boromir watches with interest.**
Boromir: I want Faramir to be in the story as well.
Lin: (dismayed) Faramir! Just like that I'm supposed to slip
in Faramir? I don't even know how I'm getting you in yet..not
really. (dripping sarcasm) Why don't we really make it complicated
and have a battle as well?
Boromir: That is a very good idea. (Lin groans) Make it a battle with orcs.
Lin: Orcs...of course. (heaving a great sigh) That is at least
feasible....So, we have Boromir, Treebeard, Faramir and orcs,
in a story...before midnight...no problem!
Boromir: (smiling contentedly) I knew you could do it.
Lin: And if I don't have Chapter 44 ready for posting on Monday, what then?
Boromir: (waving his hand dismissively) Do not worry about Chapter
44. I will work on that while you write this up.
Lin: Right!
**Linaewen looks at her watch and tries to calculate what time it is on the US East coast.**
Lin: Hmmm...we're ten hours ahead here, so if I work on it the rest
of the evening I might be able to get it posted at a halfway decent
hour...and still have time to work on Chapter 44...assuming, of
course, that the electricity is on, and the phone line is working,
and that Mr. Linaewen doesn't want to eat supper tonight...
**Boromir gets up, goes over to Linaewen and whispers in her ear.**
Boromir: Leftovers.
Lin: (muttering while she scribbles) I guess we could have leftovers...
