Miscellaneous Balrog Bits

Contents of this page:
Names for the Balrog  - various
Some Balrog Links
Balrog Jokes and Riddles  - The Foe Hammer
Balrog Day Booklist  - various
Balrog Day Soundtrack (titles only) - various
The Real Reason the Fellowship met the Balrog - Lindorie
Balrog Classifieds - suzie sheelf
Thoughts on Balrog Wings - various
Billy Balrog’s Term One Report Card  - Lilywillow
Doctor Gamgee Flips His Lid - Dr. Gamgee
Balrog Hotter - Niphredil
News From Bree: Balrog Defeated in Heat Contest!  - Vison
Some Serious Balrog Thoughts - various
The Balrog - Primula
Drabble for a Balrog - starlinguk
An acrostic drabble for the Balrog - Silivren Ithildin

Names for the Balrog

Timmy – Baron Wilderness
Sparky – Ansis
Char-ly , or Crispin – m4sure
Bernie –  Gilian Serinde
Carlotta – She-Elf
Smallrog – sumo
Smoky – The Foe Hammer
The lady Balrog just calls him Hot Stuff – Lindorie
Lysterine – little elf
Roger, Billy and Bob – Gimli’s goat
My pet Balrog, Eric – The Foe Hammer
Binky – boriel
Crunchy – Primula
Bobo – May Gamgee
Coal Porter – TrebleMaker
Friar - Isilme

Some Balrog Links
John Howe’s painting of the Balrog and Gandalf:

And the Balrog vs. Glorfindel:

Balrog charcoal drawing:

Balrog Jokes and Riddles

Why don't Balrogs like going to talent shows?

Magicians keep trying to eat them.

What do you get when you cross a Balrog with an octopus?

The best chandelier money can buy.

What did one Balrog say to the other Balrog?

I don't know about you but it's really hot in here.

What do a Balrog and a sick cat have in common?

You can't put either one out.

How do you get a Balrog out of a tree?

What tree?

 - The Foe Hammer

Balrog Day Booklist

 Lindorie, StefBaggins, halavana, sumo, The Foe Hammer, Niphredil, May Gamgee

Farenheit 451 - Ray Bradbury
Fire Starter – Stephen King
Dante’s Inferno
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire – Rowlings
Pippi Longstockings (red hair, like the flame of Udun!)
Spontaneous Combustion
Cat on a Hot Tin Roof – Tennesse Williams
Fire Jumper
Fire and Ice – Carl Sandburg
The Towering Inferno

Balrog Day Soundtrack (titles only)

Stefbaggins, fakoriginal, Carnen, May Gamgee, Fan Forever, Lindorie, halavana,  Niphredil, Vik, The Foe Hammer, Primula, Lindorie

Burning Down the House – Talking Heads
Ring of Fire – Johnny Cash
Disco Inferno – The Trammps
Some Like it Hot – Power Station
Light My Fire – Will Young
Putting out Fires with Gasoline – David Bowie
99.5F – Suzanne Vega
Great Balls of Fire – Jerry Lee Lewis
Khachaturian's Fire Dance from Gayaneh
Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Love – Elvis
Firestarter – Prodigy
Fire on Babylon – Sinead O’Conner
Candle in the Wind – Elton John (very small Balrog)
Slash and Burn – Manic Street Preachers
We Didn’t Start the Fire – Billy Joel
Fire Woman – The Cult (for the Balrog’s lady)
Kisses of Fire – Abba (also for the Balrog’s lady)
Heat Wave – Linda Ronstadt
The House is on Fire – Resurrection Band
The Firebird Suite – Stravinsky
Fields of Fire – Big Country
99 in the Shade – Bon Jovi
Comin’ Under Fire – Def Lepard
Fire and Rain – James Taylor
Keep the Fire Burning – Kenny Loggins
There’s a Fire Down Below – Bob Seger
Fire at Midnight – Jethro Tull
Hot Cross Buns – Mother Goose
Old Flame – Alabama
Smoke Gets in your Eyes – Harry Belafonte
Keep the Home Fires Burning

The Real Reason the Fellowship met the Balrog

Said the she-Balrog, "I've had quite enough.
Of your moaning and groaning 'Hot Stuff'
Get right out there and fight
Make those 'vermin' take flight
I know you can do it, you're tough.

Those men, elves, and dwarves make a mess,
And those hobbits, they really are pests.
That old wizard is trouble,
Rid of him, on the double,
then the Fellowship will have one less."

Said the he-Balrog then, "Yes my dear.
I'll go out and wreak havoc and fear.
I'll be rid of them quick,
My fiery whip I will flick,
And we'll have no more trouble this year.

- Lindorie

Balrog Classifieds

Timmy the Balrog
Free to good home 1 (one) Balrog

Fully house trained

Keep away from all flamable substances, (and computers)

Likes dark rooms and large basements

for further enquiries see Magic Dreamer

(apparerntly he keeps melting her computer:-) )

- suzie sheelf

Thoughts on Balrog Wings

How about the wings are actually used for display in attracting female balrogs, you know, the bigger the wings, the more attractive the balrog... The text would indicate that this Balrog has pretty big wings too! A real Balrogette magnet possibly? Why did it fall? Isn't hot air less dense than cold? Or do I have it the wrong way 'round? Anyways, if it is less dense then if they were falling into a firey chasm then the Balrog may not have been able to support its large bulk with wings better designed for cooler climes? Of course you'd think they'd be good at hot being as they are Balrogs...hmmm...  (Ansis)

Well the wings in the film weren't substantial enough to stop a fall - maybe they evolved so that the wings became useless - a bit like the non-flying birds we have today. (fakoriginal)

They're purely decorative, it's a fashion thing. (sumo)

Ostriches can't fly, yet they have wings. Neither can Penguins. perhaps the wings of the Balrog helped him navigate those tight turns that his claws missed while running through the dark? (Doctor Gamgee)

Billy Balrog’s Term One Report Card

Billy had a less than satisfactory first term in Middle-earth Elementary School, achieving low average results overall. He excelled in drama class, however, where he used his tendency to draw attention to himself and his flare for creating scenes to best advantage. In phys ed, as well, Billy achieved excellent results. He earned the reputation of being the leading scorer in every game he played and was able to capitalize on his size and power to scatter or fry his opponents. He found basketball more challenging, as he is not a strong jumper and the net often went up in flames. In the academic area, Billy experienced significant difficulty. He made little progress in his reading skills, as he was unable to organize his materials and was regularly unable to account for his reader, which seems to have gone up in smoke. As well, Billy tended to roar indiscriminately when called upon, rather than taking the time to consider his answers. During arithmetic class, Billy counted by stamping loudly, often disrupting the class. He also found it challenging to settle down and follow the expected routines in class. When frustrated, he sometimes spread his wings or revealed a fiery temper, creating an atmosphere of terror that was not conducive to learning. On a social note, Billy made little effort to get along with his classmates and occasionally used his whip to pull his peers into the void. I recommend that Billy be taken to anger management classes and receive counseling to help him deal with his social issues.

Mrs. Willow
- Lilywillow

Doctor Gamgee Flips His Lid

Sing your song of Flames and Fire,
Play along on your Golden Lyre!
Our Secret Spy, Festus reports
you'll never need asbestos shorts,
For though you fear heat and smoke,
You must believe, it is no joke!
To live once you have seen Balrog,
Just go up to the bar, and buy him some Grog!
As easy as falling off a log!


P.S. For those who are holding the pool for when Dr.G finally looses his brain, I think we have a winner!

Balrog Hotter

It was 1am in the small dwarf town of Brimbtot when a low rumbling could be faintly heard through the ears of sleeping dwarfs. A man, or what appeared to be a man, was standing on the corner of a respectable street wainting the arival of the rumble. A light could be seen aproaching where the cloaked figure was waiting. The light drew closer and it could be seen that it was a fire burning softly so as not to arowse any un-wanted spectators. The cloaked figure greeted the other figure.
"Bagrid. I trust you have it?"
"Oh yes," replied Bagrid "sleept like a drunken orc he did. Eh Mumblebroge?" he said with a pause "Are you sure this is the right thing to do? You know, here?"
"Bagrid, it's the only thing to do. Now come on, it's getting late"
Slowly and silently Bagrid and Mumblebroge apraoched number 65 Brimbtot Street, a very well kept house with a very normal family of dwarfs inside. Mumblebroge took a small bundle from Bagrid and placed him down on the door-step while Bagrid looked through wet eyes at the cold looking windows. He drew a letter from a pocket in his cloak and set it down next to the cloths. Bagrid could be heard trying to hold back the muffled tears as Mumblebroge stood and turned to him. "Come now Bagrid, we will see him agin soon enough."
"Ah I know Professor, it's just the thought of him being here, you know, with these dwarfs that the problem Couldnt he 'ave just stayed with us?" Mumblebroge sighed "We've been through this before, it's the best thing to do Bagrid. Now come on before some one sees us."
And so with one last look at the little flickering bundle Bagrid spread his shadowy wings and took off following Mumblebroge out of Moria and back to the castle. "Good-bye Balrog Hotter, the balrog that survived the rain"

And so it began.....
- Niphredil

News From Bree: Balrog Defeated in Heat Contest!

Sports fans from around Middle Earth were stunned to learn that Bill Balrog, Winner of 13,236 consecutive Burning Battles, was defeated today by a hitherto unknown adversary.

This reporter, who watched in horrified awe, saw the beaten Balrog bow as his Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Trophy was carried off in triumph to Canada.

Canada! The frozen north! Yet the result of today’s bout proves once again that sometimes the dark horse prances first over the finish line.

Bill Balrog, gracious in defeat, took the time to thank all his fans, and to sign autographs for those still loyal to this Burnt Ember. “I was beat, fair and square,” he said, his voice steady but laden with sadness. “Fair and square. And let me be the first to say that the new Champ is really Hot Stuff.”

The New Champ, a mild mannered grandmother from Canada, was equally gracious in Triumph.

“Bill was Hot Stuff in his day,” she said. “But the fact is, he came up against a force he hadn’t reckoned on.”

The ceremony awarding the Hunka Hunka Burnin’ Trophy was short and, this reporter felt, rather poignant. Bill Balrog, standing on the sidelines of a stage he formerly dominated, shook his head and sighed. “My time is over,” he said. “And I know that Vison will make a great Champ.”

Vison, for that is the name of the new Champ, held the trophy on high and smiled for the cameras. “He didn’t have a chance,” she said, matter-of-factly. “Not even a Balrog can turn on the heat like Menopause!”

Some Serious Balrog Thoughts
A discussion by various fans

I must admit that I always envisioned the Balrog quite differently from others. For one, this was not just a brute beast that dwelt in the dark of Moria. Apparently it was one of the original Maiar who turned toward evil in following Morgoth.

This means that the Balrog actually shares more in common with Gandalf. Remember that in the book Gandalf uses a spell to close the door and describes the "counter-spell" as being terrible and powerful and that the door was destroyed. This means that the Balrog was capable of and used the same types of spells and power that Gandalf used and wasn't just a big beast.

Also, remember that even dragons were quite intelligent. One of the most tragic tales of the Silmarillion deals with the deceit and treachery of a powerful dragon that could entrance others.

I guess I always envisioned the creature as large an powerful, with the flame described, but more of a peer of Gandalf's. Perhaps they even knew each other in the West in long ages past. Granted, I didn't expect the Balrog to say, "well met old chap, but I'm afraid I must dice and broil you" but I did expect something a little different from the beast of the movie.  (sumo)

What a great perspective. So perhaps Gandalf's dialog in speaking to him was not just a bunch of words, but an actual affirmation to his opponent confirming who he was and what his business was. The Balrog, then, would have certainly understood, and that probably infuriated him more knowing the facts. As for the communication, who's to say the Balrog didn't have some way of doing so  that we just didn't have available in dialog. Perhaps there was something in his voice or spirit that conveyed messages that were unheard by others.

 We were discussing the other day whether Gandalf could have taken the shape of a Balrog. The consensus of opinion was that, once chosen, a shape stayed.
But you would have thought there would have been some sort of communication between the two of them. Perhaps the Balrog didn't think it worth it?
And what would it have done with the ring if it had managed to take it off Frodo?? (Cadsuane)

I think that is why Aragorn feared Gandalf going there and that is why the Balrog came forth when Gandalf entered. I believe they can detect each other and are evenly matched foes. The film scene where Gandalf is concentrating shows that he is using some type of communication/spell/detection to confirm that this is the Balrog. I believe they knew of each other in the west but were always on opposite sides. (The Foe Hammer)

I think it emphasizes the difference between what Gandalf WAS and what he COULD HAVE BEEN. If Gandalf had chosen evil, he could have become a creature like a Balrog. Just as if Frodo had not resisted the Ring, he could have become a wraith like the Nazgul.
I loved the film Balrog -- it was truly terrifying, and its size and creepiness compared to Gandalf's small, rather dingy, and seemingly insignificant figure demonstrated the more obvious differences in the choices they'd both made before the world began. Gandalf's greatness was internal, without all the show, the smoke and flame and obvious display of power of the Balrog. But in the deeps of time, they were both similar creatures. (Camellia Took)

About Gandalf -  in "the Letters of J.R.R. Tolkien" it says:
...For in his (Gandalf) condition it was for him a sacrifice to perish on the bridge in defence of his companions.... For all he could know at that moment he was the only person who could direct the resistance to Sauron successfully, and all his mission was vain. He was handing over to the Authority that ordained the Rules, and giving up personal hope of success.
...the crisis had become too grave and needed an enhancement of power. So Gandalf sacrificed himself, was accepted, and enhanced, and returned.
...both his wisdom and power are much greater. When he speaks he commands attention; the old Gandalf could not have dealt so with Theoden, nor with Saruman. (Vik, quoting Tolkien)

Balrogs are a class of evil Maia. They (or at least one) have names - Gothmog was Morgoth's captain of the Balrogs, and was killed by Glorfindel in the Fall of Gondolin, if I'm not mistaken. I've never heard of any other names attached to their kind, however. (pi)

I have always read the book to understand that there was not a troll, but that it was the balrog that was back there at the door, but Gandalf could not figure out just WHAT it was. Of course, I need to reread that section, but have been too busy. The balrog was an evil spirit, which dealt with fire. I got the impression that the beast in the film was more Bluster and Burn, than craft and cunning.  (Doctor Gamgee)

The Balrog
(based on The Kraken by Tennyson)

Below the diggings of the deepest mines,
Far, far beneath in the abysmal slime,
From his ancient, flame-wreathed, interrupted sleep
The Balrog waketh: faintest billows swirl
About his shadowy sides; above him swell
Huge wings of unmeasurable width and height;
And far away into the blackest night,
From many an ore-veined and secret cell
Unnumbered bones, silent in ashes, age.
Whither their treasures and fires smelting ore?
Cold dust, as the testimony of his rage,
Swept aside by his flaming will and fiery core,
Until a cleaner fire shall heat the deep;
Then once by Man and Maia to be seen,
In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.
- Primula

Drabble for a Balrog
So, I get woken up from a sleep so long I can't remember when it started. Then an insane wizard drops me off a bridge and continues to attack me with a toothpick whilst I'm trying to fall elegantly. Then, finally, I go "plink plink fizz" in a lake, and even THEN he doesn't let up. Oh no. He follows me up an endless stair, still poking me with that toothpick, and we end up on top of a mountain. It was cold, I tell you. It wasn't the toothpick that killed me, it was the flippin' lack of long-johns.
- starlinguk


B east with horns like a ram, wings like a bat
and a tail like a lizard.

A ttacked the Fellowship in the Mines of Moria.
With a rope of fire he took Gandalf down with

L aid to rest on the top of the mountainside
by Gandalf who slew him.

R epelled by Gandalf long enough to allow the
rest of the Fellowship to cross Khazad-dum.

O range and red and fiery hot this "Demon of
Might", this demon of the ancient deep is he.

G reat in size, he towered over the Fellowship,
this flame of Udun. What a terrifying sight
to behold.
- Silivren Ithildin
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