The Bill

(based on "The Bells" by Edgar Allen Poe)

I

Hear the hobbits with their Bill-
Pony Bill!
What a world of excitement and adventure to thrill!
How they stumble, stumble, stumble,
In the darkened air of night!
While their friends so often mumble,
Over roots they seem to tumble,
Never staying quite upright;
Keeping time, time, time,
In a sort of inner rhyme,
To the gurgling digestion that so musically trills
From the Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill,
Bill, Bill, Bill-
From the bumbling and the rumbling of the Bill.

II

See the mellow happy Bill,
Glutton Bill!
What a world of happiness his feeding time has still!
Through the balmy air of night
How he eats with great delight!
From the oaten-golden grains,
And alfalfa's boon,
Weight he loves to greatly gain
From the sugar-lumps that glisten with grass stains -
Sweetest tune!
Oh, from the resulting swill,
What a gush of calories voluminously mill!
How he swells!
How it dwells
On the Ribcage! how it will
Of the rapture that comes still
To the munching and the crunching
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill,
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill,
Bill, Bill, Bill-
To the chewing and the chomping of the Bill!

III

Hear the loud alarming Bill-
Bossy Bill!
What an empty stomach now his turbulency fills!
In the startled ear of night
He neighs out he wants a bite!
After all, he cannot say,
He can only neigh, neigh,
Out of tune,
In a clamorous appealing to the feeding he requires,
In a sad expostulation with the deafened hobbits' ire,
Whinnies higher, higher, higher,
With a desperate desire,
And a resolute endeavor,
Now - now to eat or never,
Fill both sides of his hungry face soon.
Oh, the Bill, Bill, Bill!
What a noise he makes to fill
In their Ear!
How he champs, and stamps, and snores!
What a grumbling they outpour
On the bosom of the palpitating air!
Yet the ear it fully knows,
By the neighing,
And the grunting,
How his hunger ebbs and flows:
The ear it distinctly fills,
In the whickering,
And the snuffling,
How the muzzle drools and swills,
By the sinking or the swelling in the noises of the Bill -
Of the Bill -
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill,
Bill, Bill, Bill -
All the clamor at the hunger of the Bill!

IV

See the rolling of the Bill-
Bloated Bill!
With a world of regret now their company is filled!
In the silence of the Pass,
How they shudder at the gas,
At the smelly clouds they face in their work!
For every sound that floats
From the burps within his throat
Is a groan.
And the hobbits - ah, the hobbits -
They that didn't make him stop it,
Greedy One.
Now who, rolling, rolling, rolling,
In disgruntled monotony,
Feel no glory in so rolling
Across the stones their pony.
They are neither sad nor happy-
They hear neither toot nor honking -
They were Fools:
And their horse, it is their goal;
And he rolls, rolls, rolls,
Rolls
For a windbreak from the Bill!
And his rounded belly will
With the deflating of the Bill!
As with gasses he is filled;
Keeping time, time, time,
To a barrel-rolling rhyme,
To the burping of the Bill -
Of the Bill:
Keeping time, time, time,
To a barrel-rolling rhyme,
To the bloating of the Bill -
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill:
To the floating of the Bill;
Keeping time, time, time,
They hear nil, nil, nil,
To a barrel-rolling rhyme,
To the gassing of the Bill -
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill:
To the passing of the Bill,
Of the Bill, Bill, Bill, Bill -
Bill, Bill, Bill -
To the moaning and the groaning of the Bill.

- Primula