DarkElf Divided

- Lothithil

To fighting I am used
Battles pitched or silent stalking
But for this conflict I have no defense
My heart is waging war on my mind

All I see is fair and peaceful
In Valinor, there is no evil
I have known and fought that shadow
All the years of my life
But for those brief moments by the Lake
Before the sullying touch of Bauglir
Now I feel as I did then,
New-birthed and hopeful
My mind would close on dark memories of pain

But here my heart finds purchase
For only in pain or love does it speak
What use beauty without life?
What use peace without companionship?
Walking through the splendor of Aman
Beneath the comely trees I sit
And dream of their faces, those I miss

But will they not come, by and by?
My mind counters the attack
Here I could wait, a home I could make
And welcome them when singly they arrive
Have I not earned the right to live?

Are you alive? my heart says coldly
Can you breathe outside of his presence?
Is this place a refuge, or a oubliette
Where you will be forgotten in time?

I wander, my spirit unquiet
Through silver forests and golden fields
Moving unhurried toward that mountain cleft
where the light shines through, a beacon

And then I look up, and my heart and mind both recoil
For I have found a sorry glade,
Amid the splendor of Valinor
A lonely mound with two dead trees
And Elves mourning what had been done so many years past
And my mind and my heart both clench in cold grief
Knowing that even here, the Shadows can fall