Disjointed Places

- jan-u-wine

There is a smooth,
disjointed place
in my mind:
it is like my hand -
something was
that is not
anymore.
 
When
I touch that place,
my mind
falls
into nothingness,
into darkness,
into  blank
emptiness.
 
At the end
of this heaviness
that holds me, unerringly, to despair,
that reduces my
soul to nothing,
there is black-banded
light -
bloodied clouds
fill hollow skies -
sallow moons
hang sickly,
like death-heads....
and stars.....
stars with impervious eyes
of evil purpose
watching....
always
watching.
 
I fall endlessly
into that smooth,
disjointed place.
 
Your voice
drifts
through weighted
clouds.....
 
you cannot find me,
you cannot help me
here....
 
but then,
 
something I  can't quite
recall
cannot find me, either.
 
my mind lies,
caught,
between
waking and sleep,
dark and light,
desire.....
 
and
 
desire.
 
 
There is yet,
there is,
always.....
 
desire....
 
It's just......
 
I can't
quite
remember
what It is
I might
desire
anymore.
 
I must not
remember
any more.
 
In my mind,
I walk away
from the smooth place.....
 
My eyes fall upon the empty
disjointedness of my hand.
 
Light -
gentle,
searching,
spills
through the transparency
of my fingers.