But, for Now

- Estel Elfstone
Every person has a dream,
To live, to see, to love.
A dream? A desire?
To live, to see,
To experience love.

What’s the use?
Too many obstacles.
Too many roads filled with utmost despair.
Too much sorrow, rejection, anger, hate... pain!
Too little light.

What a waste!
Life, useless without desire.
Sightless. Loveless.
Trapped, chained by emotions,
Consuming, pouring like poison.
The world burning feverishly.
Nothing to mend it.

Suffering on your knees.
Bent under unseen weight.
Straining – hopelessly – to get up!
Blinded by darkness.
Each day, a routine of sacrifice.
You desire a dream!
A useless fantasy,
In no definite future.

You sacrifice.
All that you are, dream.
Threats of losing all, hovering...
Better to sacrifice than to lose...
Sacrificing is losing!
All Useless! Wasted! Lost!
Where to go? Where to run?
How to escape this woe, raw sorrow?
Why?
Spinning in messy circles
Created by illusion!


Love. What is love?
The word sounding distant, unreal,
Bittersweet, sickening!
It chokes your heart.
Clouds judgment.
Clouding a once clear mind!

Yet we try to hold on.
Still we desire... “True” love...
Useless fantasy!
Lost!

Always a sorry excuse.
Too young, too old,
Too busy, never worth it.
It’s not worth it.
Still we persist, pursue,
Try to follow.
Still we kindle passion, desire.


I shall carry on.
Even for unclear reasons.
When false desire pushes too far,
I shall dream.
I shall hold on.
I will blaze!
It will pass...I know.

Ignore elements.
Ring my heart with cold, hard stone,
Glaze my eyes, unseeing.
Though I lose true desire
During this cruel, merciless process:
Finding a fading dream,
In darkest corners of my mind.

But, for now,
I will allow this feeling to consume every thought,
Give in to hopeless desire, madness!
I will let it fill me,
Boil in me,
Pulse through me
Yes even, control me... for a while.
And banish it, tomorrow.
THIS, my (feeble) resolve.