Ode to a Lost Love

I tried not to want you at first;
I left you alone.
Bereft of feelings, alone, exhausted,
I knew you were there.
I felt your touch, rounded, smooth, yearning;
I resisted.

With each beat of my heart, my soul was rent.
The memories caved in upon me;
I resisted no more.

Soft, smooth shimmering glow
Enveloped me and I was warm.
I could go where I chose, and yet
Keep the pain of their lost existence away from me.

There was life in me once more.
I thought you were made for me alone;
Though you had belonged to others before.

You were fun at first and we wandered at will
Seeking solitude …seeking the world outside;
Yet, ever seeking, seeking, seeking what?
You would try to slip away
I chained you to me to maintain my control over you
And we co-existed you and I.
Life was lived.

There would come a time you would prove false.
You belonged to another and always had.
You were never truly mine.

I thought I could give you up
My heart delighted to be rid of you…
But it was not to be.
Others knew of your existence
That you were false, evil…
That you had to be destroyed.
They knew you would try to return to him,
The true master of your heart.
Wary of you, I took you back into my life,
No longer the innocent seeking peace,
Though peace is what I desired more than
Immeasurable wealth and glory.

I needed to keep you from him at all costs,
And yet, return you to the place of your birth,
Near to him within his grasp.
I was frightened, insecure.
I did not know the way.
Others were with me for a time.
You tried your wiles on them to try to destroy our ‘fellowship’.
It worked!

I struck off on my own, just the two of us,
You and me together once more.
We were joined by another;
Ever faithful, loving, true…
A counterpart to your wickedness and deceit.

Another came… tortured, ruined, jealous, former lover of yours,
Always fawning, clawing, vigilant…
Refusing to give in to the bond that we shared, you and I.
I knew, though he too claimed love for me,
His heart was false and I yearned for him and
Prayed for his salvation.
Do not allow me to become like him,
My soul despaired.

The true heart knew
He had seen the guile and heard the plans.
He despaired with me but for reasons of his own.
His heart was pure
For love, he watched over me, protected me,
Sustained me, carried me…

The false heart would betray me and lead me to my doom.
He wanted to claim you once more for himself.
But I knew you would never truly belong to any other again.
As a pall your beauty enshrouded me
While you sought the true desire of your heart.

The faithful one watched and saw it all
As you burdened me and dragged me down,
Your pull ever stronger,
Your allure ever brighter,
You sought my destruction.
I knew no rest,
I knew no peace,
Your other servants would claim my life if revealed.
We foundered in the wasteland.
There was nothing left;
Only loss of hope and despair.
No memories left;
Only the searing ‘eye’ of your beloved.
I loved you no more;
You filled me with loathing.

We came at last to the very brink of my doom.
I had clung to you and called down the false heart.
While the true heart delayed him,
I hurried to the abyss.
The moment had come …
To cast you away from me,
Forever to be rid of you and your charm…
Or to take you to my bosom forever;
A marriage between the two of us of promise and hope…
There was no longer any hope for me.

I was yours.
You filled my very essence, my being
As you claimed me.
I, in turn, claimed you and
Looking for that bliss,
Wedded myself to you,
Placing your ring on my finger and
I was lost to the sight of him who was true.
But the false heart saw.
In a jealous rage he sprang and
Took you from me with the finger that held you to me.
All was gone, all was lost….

Yet, the true Lord of all had seen the outcome
In His infinite wisdom, His will would win out.

The false one tottered and fell, taking you with him.
You were both destroyed and through this destruction,
There was mercy.
Mercy for the false heart,
Mercy for me –
My heart was light and
Free of you.

Your memory would linger;
The griefs and pain remain.
I was granted the gift of hope and
Peace at home forever…

- Elenna