St. Patrick's Day LOTR Limericks

There once was a hobbit from Cork
Who refused to eat with a fork
On St. Patrick’s Day
He got carried away
And was eaten by a hungry stork!
- Gimli's Goat
There once was an Elf from Mirkwood
Who would not remove his cloak's hood
For he had gotten carried away
With the green hair spray
And was tired of being called "Greenwood!"
- Dinledhwen
There once was an Elf called Greenleaf
Whose name every year brought him grief
For he flee'd his fate;
Lest he garnish a plate
Of potatoes and Irish corned beef.
- Primula
Seansbeanie is just being mean
When she says that Boromir has turned green.
Being "slightly deceased"
His palor at least
Make's an Irishman of Yorkshire's Sean Bean.
- seansbeanie
There once was a creature called Gollum
often wore loincloth coverin' his bottom
but today wears a kilt
and though not very skill'd
plays bagpipes, while Sam wants to throttle 'im
- HobbitNaga
There once was a Shire-land so green,
'Twas the greenest a land ever seen,
Til cried Two-Footed Daddy
"Yoiks! We lack a Paddy!
Irish imports are needed, I deem."

Galadriel once gave a box
To Sam (It was not full of rocks)
It held a small nut
And some dirt -oh what luck!
For it sprouted a giant Shamrock!
- Primula

There once was a Rohirrim's mare
Dyed gold to match her rider's hair.
But when washed with chlorine
Ah, Alas! She turned green!
But the fleas dinnae pinch her ne maer.
- Bluebell

There is a tavern called The Pony
on silliness it runs aloney
Elves, Hobbits and Men
are all here as friends
what I'm telling you is no baloney
- HobbitNaga
There once was a grease-headed Ranger
Who to finicky Elves seemed no danger,
But to Elrond's surprise,
He caught Arwen's eyes
When to kilt-wearing he was no stranger.
- Primula
There once was a giant black spider
She swallowed green tea inside her
Away she spun
She could not run
And even let a sharp sword bite her!

She thought she would die
But she said with a sigh
I'll write a silly few lines
And make some crazy rhymes
About how spiders survive!
- Shelob


There once was a thirsty big bug
Who was filled with green tea like a jug
She drank and she drank
Til she finally sank
Down to the ground, burble, glug!
- Primula
There once was a Wiz of the Isle
Who brewed the best ale for miles
His three-leafed smoke rings
Were the coolest of things
For Little People brought out his smiles.


There once was a Baggins so small
Who filled up his snug little hall
With jools and gold,
And stories he told
Of a fire-breathing Leprechaun's fall!
- Primula

There once was a red dragon named Smaug
He so loved drinking green grog
He spit and he flew
Til' the arrow did slew
And he fell into the lake like a frog!
- Shelob


A young hobbit maiden, alas,
never met a green beer she could pass.
So they kept her from trouble,
using May, her stunt double.
Until Pip, ordered "Doubles a Lass!"
- Doctor Gamgee

For a Fellowship all with a brogue,
We would have to kwik-copy a rogue;
But for St. Paddy's Day
It seems right in a way
To have nine Pippins do dia-logue.
- Primula

I congratulate this friend of mine,
and would offer mushrooms, for to dine,
But the hobbits, they stole,
the mushrooms from the bowl.
So we can but drink green beer and whine.
- Doctor Gamgee
This is my first limerick ever...I'm sorry, I couldn't help it!

There once was a girl from Gondor
She laughed so much on the floor
These rhymes are so bad
she wishes she had
more rum to stand the Lore
- Gondorian Girl

I must say this play is fine,
And I will take green beer and wine,
On the table dancing,
I put on my one Ring,
So I will vanish with this limerick of mine.
- Agi

Dr.G's rhyming sometimes is loose,
and his references somewhat obtuse,
But he's had some green beer,
and no longer has fear,
For mix 'Yellow' with 'Green,' he'd be 'Puce.'
- Doctor Gamgee

Green beer can give some a false courage,
It emboldens hearts, makes 'em stirrage.
But the effect is short-lived
and soon most will have dived
to hide behind trees, walls, and herbage.
- Lindorie
In the Pony It was the day after St Paddy's
I came in and looked around
The place was a mess
what went on I could only guess
My, the drinks sure did abound!

From the corner I grabbed a large wet mop
and started to push it around
things started to get clean
disappearing was the green
Too bad the fun had to stop
- Gondorian Girl



Back to LOTR Scrapbook Home

Note: the material posted here is for the personal use of members of the Lord of the Rings Fan Club community and may not be used for commercial or other unauthorized use, by publication, re-transmission, distribution, or otherwise, except as permitted by the Copyright Act or other law.
Questions/comments? Email Primula.