Limericks about LOTR 3

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Just try to imagine Gandalf reciting this to Legolas and others in the Golden Hall ... perhaps right after he (Legolas) won the Drinking Game


There once was a Wizard who wouldn't
Write limericks ... he said that he couldn't
Grumbled he through his beard
While Elf-Eyes nearly teared
"Now you all know that -- really -- I shouldn't!"
- gentle-giant
"I concur," growled the dwarf through his beard,
"No more limericks, just ale!" he bleared,
"For if wizards could rhyme,
They would spend all their time
Rhyming Elvish with Dwavish it's feared!"
- Primula
"And could you, Master Dwarf, fare much better?
I challenge you ... down to the letter!
If you win, I'll agree
You are better than me ...
Or, is that 'than I'? Does it matter???"
- gentle-giant
Said Legolas, "There are few
Challenges that I would not do;
To rhyme a sweet Elvish word
With some Dwarvish-- absurd!
The only Khud-zul I know is 'â mênu'!"
- Lothithil
"No nonsense now," hiccuped the dwarf,
"More drinks, bring more ale to snarf!
For our thirsty's the trail
Behind an Elf's tail,
And there's mead warming up by the hearth!"
- Primula
After a lengthy pause -- for dramatic effect, no doubt! -- the Wizard who can't write limericks continues the conversation in the Golden Hall.


Oh ... must you sift ale through that beard?
Your manners are much more than weird!
One game you've just lost,
And your balance ... it's cost!
We can't take you nowhere; 'tis feared!
- Gentle-giant

The Drinking Game ensued
Another battle in the Elf/Dwarf feud
While the Elf barely felt his drink
Beneath the table Gimli did sink
The end of the game Legolas queued!
- Lothithil

A mop, if you please, Moderator!
A green one, now; sooner than later!
The Dwarf, it would seem,
Is now lost in a dream
While his mouth spews like a percolator!
- Gentle-giant

A Rohirric mop was inserted,
To muffle the mumblings he blurted,
But still through the beard
To all those sharp-eared
Came such noises their eyes were averted!
- Primula
He didn't require sleep to rest,
But he found neither, try his best!
For that dwarf's cacaphony,
Was the bane of the company,
And the elf dreamt of exiting, West.
- Elfriend67

Here's another offering of a visit to Bilbo from Gimli.

Gimli the dwarf came to call
To Bag End's Master's hall.
He hung up his cloak
sat down, ate and smoked
and couldn't get up after all.

For he had eaten too much
to rise up? hey, what's the rush!
Just hang for a while
Have a smoke and a smile,
And soon the ground you will touch.

For now let's hear of your tale
I hear it's as big as a whale,
full of dragons and trolls
and man-bears, I'm told
and ends as you wear mithril-mail.

For my father was part of the lore
that rose from the ashes and gore
of the battle of five armies
where no dart could harm thee
as long as the mail shirt was worn.

All this is true, can't you see?
No permanent harm came to me,
But a rock hit my head
and a permanent dread
ever after of hail did I glean.
- pi

There once was a magical ring
Its use was a curious thing
With a finger inside
The owner could hide
But evil and woe it would bring
- Tookfullofit

There once were two Baggins they say,
Who both with some jewelry did play,
Though 'tis said that the game,
Was for both not the same,
Yet at least they still shared the same Day.
- Primula

There once was a grey elf named Fred.
Who got easily lost, so its' said.
He sailed into the east,
Where he met the foul Beast.
And now he's an elf who is dead.
- Daisy Gold


One snowy day up on Caradhras,
Old Gandalf with jug said "Oh do pass."
The hobbits had sips
With their much-frozen lips
And replied "What the heck's in that flask?"
- Lindorie

For Elrond's Children:

There once were two pointy-eared boys,
With a horse-snatching sis full of ploys,
No sense were they lacking
When they sent her packing
To go play with grandmama's toys.

There once were some Elves, noble-type,
In dignity wrapped up with hype,
Until they did tally
Each la la la lally -
And wished they had memory-wipes.

An Elf once, in beauteous mode,
Sent everyone out on the road,
But she stayed behind,
Said that she didn't mind,
And just quietly sat there and sewed.

There once were some twin Elven bros,
Sent where their bro-in-law goes,
"It's a blank flag, like this,
Sorry 'bout sis,
But sometimes she forgets what she sews!"

- Primula

Those pointy-eared boys were so handsome,
They unintentionally held hearts for ransom.
Though those boys looked so smart
One couldn't tell them apart.
And that caused confusion -- and then some!

In sewing, that Elf had a plan.
She was making a flag for her man.
It took a long time,
But that was just fine.
With that flag her man's battle began.

- Linaewen

There once was a ranger named Strider

who really was quite a good hider.

For Arwen he fell

in Gondor they dwell

and he is ever beside her.




Oh the life of a pony is hard

It’s not all eating grass in a yard

To danger we go

Whether will we or no

And our names are not sung by a bard!

- Meneleth