about LOTR 1
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There once was a Hobbit named Merry
Who lived in the Hall, near the Ferry
He danced with Pippin
At the Green Dragon Inn
On the table; yet never got weary
There and back again went our dear Bilbo
What he did on his journey we all know
Though great wisdom he earned
One thing he never learned
“Where in Heaven’s name did my spoons go?”
One night I walked into the Pony
I looked for SWG, where could she be?
I looked left and right
Yet, she wasn’t in sight
She was in the fridge, giggling with Gimli!
Lord Elrond lived in Rivendell fair
A king, and financially without care
Yet he wore his crown
With an eternal frown
“That daughter of mine is a nightmare!”
Legolas, hand and eye ever cunning
On the mountain of ice he’d be running
And yes, even though
He was buried in snow
He crawled out and was still looking stunning!
To Screen Time, Haldir could not say no
And he travelled to Helm’s Deep with his bow
When an Orc said: “oh my!
Seems like you’re gonna die!”
He said: “drat! Is my hair still okay though?”
"Ode to the Elf" #4056
Legolas, with eyes of blue (and sometimes brown)
He turns my scowling upside down!
Whether shooting a bow
Or walking on snow,
He's *one* Elf I'll be sure to keep 'round!
A limerick for Bruce
Poor King Theoden.
There was a fine rider of horse
Who fought Uruk-hai in large force
But when it came to an ear
Grima held it more dear
At least from a wicked sword's course!
- pilbara orc
Twas just a small box of soil
But Samwise would lug it and toil
To The Shire though ruined
For Saruman with dirt he did foil.
A long knife Bilbo did bring
It shone like the sun in the spring
He bade Frodo wear it to war
Though by the end Frodo swore
That as with death, he'd had enough of this Sting.
Warrior of Rohan
Gamling, famous warrior of Rohan,
Rider of the Mark, a fine horseman.
To save his people, long would he fight,
Frightening the Enemy, with his might.
Protecting Helm's Deep, at Rohan's last stand.
Brave Gamling, met a vicious warg,
Stabbed him with his mighty sword.
The warg stopped dead,
To save his head.
As Rider's of Rohan, past them roared.
To the Havens at last he must go
To heal his heart and soul
Sam waves goodbye
with a tear in his eye
as the winds steer north and blow
There was a ring-bearer named Frodo
And into the wilds he did go
Good Sam by his side
With Bibo's ring he could hide
But not from Sauron his true foe
TO SAM: (this one's a bit weak)
Samwise Gamgee was his name
Being part of the Fellowship is his fame
With his friend Frodo
"Do not lose him", oh no
Till he comes back from wence he came.
A curly haired Hobbit name Merry
His feet wer so big and hairy
From Farmer Maggot's crop
Some carrots he did drop
But plenty more he did carry
There once was a Hobbit named Pippin
A nice stout ale he was sippin'
He drank a little too much
And fell down as such
And all the way home he was skippin'
Strider the Ranger was brave
Adventure he often did crave
Boromir was his friend
Who died in the end
And the Hobbits he went to go save
Legolas and his beautiful bow
Off to fight Orcs he did go
The Fellowship he aided
Till evil was faded
He longed for the woods he loved so
Boromir oh Boromir, you were a hero
Fighting the Uruk-hai, the worst of your foe
The ring you could hear
My eyes they did tear
When you died, filled my heart full of woe
Gimli the Dwarf carried an axe
He gave the Cave Troll a few good whacks
His cousin Balin had died
On his kness he had cried
With his bravery he fought to the max
A wizard named Gandalf the Gray
To the Shire he often would stray
He loved the Hobbit Bilbo
And his nephew Frodo
Keep it Secret, Keep it Safe, he would say
There was a young hobbit named Pippin
Who tripped over his feet while skippin'
But delighted he was
When he got up, because
It was some mushrooms he'd slipped in!
A nasty old chap name of Sauron,
who at evil was clearly no moron,
an evil empire he begot,
but one thing he forgot,
a volcano should always have a door on
There was a stout fellow called Sam,
who in nature was quiet as a lamb,
but he went on a quest,
and didn't wear a vest,
and now Rosie considers him a ram.
There was a young Hobbit called Frodo
who was son of halfling called Drogo,
he had so much grief over a ring,
and now this is the thing,
he turned punk and now he does the pogo.
Morgoth was an out-and-out baddie,
but there's no denying he was a laddie,
he never tried to avoid,
the ruinous path in the void,
and he ended up a bit of a saddie.
Sam is hobbit, of whom I'm a fan
Who carrys a backpack like a man
He said, what a sight
It's a terrible fight
When you're wielding only a pan!
There once was a man, Aragorn,
Of Numenor blood he was born.
He served as a Ranger
In all kinds of Danger
Til was crowned on one early May Morn!
There once was a lady from Rohan,
Whose beauty was doubted by no man.
The babe with the sword,
Is now stuck in my gourd.
And now I am Eowyn's big fan.
An Elf is a being aloof,
Loving cloud, star or bough as a roof,
They live many years,
And have strange pointy ears,
They're a genuine wonder, in truth.
The Dwarves are a curious race,
Short and stout, always bearded of face,
They love gems, gold and stone,
And if with them alone,
Never mention 'shortcomings' or grace.
A Halfling loves peace, home and food,
The 'Big Folk', they say, are most rude,
But they sometimes have cussed,
On missing 'Second Breakfast',
Oh, and a hobbit goes always un-shoed.
Ents are mysterious, that's clear.
But you really have nothing to fear,
Lest you're not 'on their side',
Then its wise you should hide,
But not behind trees, so I hear.
If you run into an army of orcs,
Your eyes just might be out on stalks,
They're a horrible sight,
It's their purpose to fight,
And they're rarely open to talks.
There's a 'Watcher' that lived in the water,
And some didn't stay quiet like they oughta',
When it broke through the waves,
They escaped to the caves,
And saved themselves from a slaughter.
A Balrog is a terrible Demon,
With fire and smoke all a steamin'
Yet wield the 'Secret Flame',
And you won't be to blame,
If it's him that ends up a'screamin'.
Shelob is a creature so vile,
She keeps the bones of her dead in a pile,
A hobbit she did catch,
But his friend was her match,
So she won't be around...for a while.
There once was a wizard we loved
His knowledge went far and above
To shadow we lost
Or so we all thought
But returned as white as a dove
sam did not want to go
niether do i you should know
but my bro wants on
devil's horns he has begun to spawn
i think a Pippin's scarf i will go sew
There once was an Uruk called Lurtz,
Who complained 'My cranium hurts!',
Aragorn did take pity,
He sung him a ditty,
Then gave him all Arwens' skirts.
- Baron Wilderness
There once was a halfling named Frodo,
From the mill he was only a stones throw,
He aquired the one ring,
A terrible thing,
And nearly ended up dead as a dodo.
Cheshire Cat would be a fool not to say,
"I could watch LORD OF THE RINGS all day!"
Not just for the cute guys,
(Though they do make me sigh)
But 'cause the film is an absolute high!
- Cheshire Cat
There came to the Shire one year
A season of wealth and good cheer,
The fine ale ran plenty,
In ole' fourteen-twenty,
and the Hobbitfolk couldn't be freer!
A handsome young Greenleaf did show
That a buff elf could scamper on snow
But he looked like a fool
When he slipped on some drool
From the "Fellowship's" postings below.
There once was a Hobbit so brave.
Who lived in a hole (not a cave!)
He had hair on his feet.
But that FACE - what a treat!
And by him the whole world was saved!
- Pointy-Eared Took
There once was a drool-worthy elf
Whose picture I have on my shelf.
He could walk upon snow
And protect with his bow
And cared more about others than self.
- Pointy-Eared Took
There once was a grumpy old man.
(Mere world domination his plan.)
He really liked rings,
But he didn't like kings.
'Cause one cut off a part of his hand.
There once was a nice lady orc.
Who was visited by a (goblin) stork.
And the baby she had,
Well, he wasn't so bad.
In fact, he was less "scary" than Bjork!
- Pointy-Eared Took
Gandalf the wizard was Grey
And to little Frodo said, 'Hey!'
"That ring there is bad,
It might drive you mad!
To the Cracks of Doom we'll away!
Alternate final line, Canadian version:
"To the Cracks of Doom we'll go, eh?"
Arwen, an elf princess fair,
Gave Strider a love that was rare.
Said Evenstar's song:
If spent without Isildur's heir.
An elf princess from Rivendell
Saved Frodo from Riders of Hell
She got them all wet
While geeks on the net
Said "That's not what Tolkien would tell!"
There once was a dwarf named Gimli,
Who tried to climb down 'ole Smaug's chimley.
He was after some gold,
But the hearth wasn't cold.
Lord,you've never seen a dwarf move so nimbly.
There once was a wizard named Gandalf,
Who cut a big Balrog clean in half.
Mid-way through our storia,
he fell into Moria.
But in Two T he does get the last laugh.
There once was a hobbit named Frodo,
In his pocket he caried Big Mojo.
But he tossed it away,
one fine springtime day.
With the help of a creature named Smeagol.
There once was a king named Aragorn.
In Sauron's crown he was a thorn.
His blade made of steel,
Brought the enemy to heel.
Of power the Dark Lord was truly shorn.
There once was a man named Boromir,
Neither goblin or orc did he fear.
But a small ring of gold,
On his heart took a hold.
Now no longer his horn do we hear.
There once was an elf named Legolas,
Who had no patience with things crass.
A gentle elf he was,
Handsome is as it does.
So don't you be giving him no sass.
Brandybuck,Gamgee and Took.
Small hobbits so vital to the book.
Frodo's best friends.
They would go to the earths end,
for to find mushrooms to cook.
ODE TO FRODO!!
A dude with blue eyes so fair,
And the cutest hobbitish hair,
Ran away with some things,
Our hearts and a ring,
And left us quite gasping for air!
There once were some orcs on a hill
Trying Saruman's orders to fill
They suprised a small group -
Got two halflings to boot -
But one lost his head from the thrill.
The Hobbit and the Ring
There was once a Hobbit from the Shire
Who had a very brave and noble squire
They were burdened with a Ring
Oh, how they hated that thing!
So they cast it into the Fire.
There once was a Dark Lord called Sauron,
who would freak out if you said he's a moron,
He had loads of orcs,
but they mostly were dorks,
who didn't even know there's a War on.
They must try, no matter the cost
To make sure the One Ring is lost
A brave hero is he
That grouchy Gimli
He who hesitates soon will be tossed!
Frodo, our hero, is nifty
He’s come up against villains most shifty
In spite of the hype
I’ve got one small gripe:
In the book he’s supposed to be 50!
Obscure Character Limericks
A Shirrif in the Shire I know
Name of 'Cockrobin' Smallburrow
He's a decent enough guy
Who doesn't like spies
With Frodo his lot he did throw!
Ioreth was a wise woman, but
Her mouth she could not keep shut
She could be quite a bore
With her sewing-circle lore
King Aragorn's sharp words she would 'tut'!
The Last Elf
There once was an Elf all alone
Who stood on this shore and did moan
That he had been too late
To avoid such a fate
So now he must remain on his own.
One for Her Ladyship
He had promised to provide her with meat and bread,
If she would just let him escape from her dark web.
Gollum led the two hobbits into the night,
She did not know about their bright light,
Or the sharp blade she would soon come to dread!
Shelob the spider was fat
On your windshield she do more than splat
She was stuck with a pin
No longer to grin
At tarks as they stab her - take that!!
I'm not sure which is the worst
Or which of the three is most cursed
Uruk, orc or goblins
would send me a hobblin'
I wouldn't think, I'd run first.
ME New Year's Limerick
There once was a shiny gold ring
For which many had done an evil thing
But on this day
It was cast away
So now our joy we will sing!
There once was a hobbit named Sam
Who got into a terrible jam
He exploded, they say
On Bilbo's birthday
When he ate way too much ham.
- Princess of Mirkwood
There once was a dirty old ranger,
Who wandered into very much danger,
For he did not want to be
What all else could see,
So he hid in a very dark manger.
- Queen of Gondor
Limerick For Aragorn
There once was a scruffy ranger quite bold
Who was to be king so I am told
But his hair was a mess
And his clothes utterly distressed
That it took days of scrubbing to rid him of the mold.
He no longer loved and regressed
In his cave he began to obsess
Over so small a thing
To which he would cling
It's mine, my own, my precious.
The throne of Gondor is his seat
Blood runs down his chin as he eats
His first son has died
For this he has cried
He dies amidst fire and heat.
was a young hobbit called Pippin...
who looked like he was always grinnin'
he went to orthanc...
where saruman drew a blank....
and gave some orcs a good whippin'..."
- The Renewer
was a hobbit named Sam
He really liked blueberry jam
But then he found goo
And indeed it's now true:
Our Sam likes goo better than jam
Woodland Elf Limerick
*whispers the following*
I hear the trees calling to me
Their soft voices like a plea
To come run and play
In a merry way
And let my heart be free!