Lord of the Limericks: The Fellowship of the Limerick

An Epic Adventure in Limericking by Doctor Gamgee

Book I
Book II
To > The Two Limericks

Book I

“Mad Baggins” (Bilbo) did aspire,
to see elves, so he thus left the Shire.
Frodo got everything,
Including one small ring.
And on this, Gandalf soon did inquire.

“I can say, now that Bilbo is gone,
that the old fellow seemed sort of wan.
But he didn’t look old,
So before it gets cold,
I will go and consult Saruman.”

Well the Winter was followed by Spring,
When the wizard returned, news to bring.
“Send this thing to the fire,
for our future is dire,
if the Dark Lord should get back HIS RING!”

Old Gandalf looked through window’s glass,
To see Samwise start cutting the grass.
Through the window, forsooth,
Gandalf snatched! “Tell the truth
Samwise Gamgee, and none of your sass!”

And poor Sam stood there, shaking in fear,
And confessed of the things he did hear.
“Since you spied on Frodo,
then along shall you go!”
And we’ll meet at Bree’s ‘Pony’ for beer.”

So old Gandalf did quickly depart,
Just as Gollum confessed to his part.
Through his sniveling whine,
Gave he news to the Nine.
And the Nazgul’s “Find Baggins” did start.

Well Frodo (with no rhyming quip!)
Had decided to quietly slip
From the Shire. “But no!
He must not alone go!”
So conspired Sam Merry and Pip!

So now Frodo no longer did wallow,
In a gloomy funk so hard to swallow.
Merry went on ahead,
To meet Fatty (old Fred)
As the other three fled to Crickhollow.

Well they left just in time, so it seems.
For a shadow right out of bad dreams,
Rode on horseback through mist
“Where is Baggins?” it hissed.
As they searched for the gold ring that gleams.

And the nights seemed to get much more scary,
As the three went by cart to the Ferry.
“Mrs. Maggot sent stew,
and a mushroom or two.”
Farmer said, as he left them with Merry.

So the hobbit friends escaped the gloom,
As they sat, in the new dining room.
But a cry filled the air,
With the sound of despair
That was colder than any dark tomb.

So the hobbits slipped out the back door,
To the old forest hedge, and what’s more,
They slipped right on inside!
From the riders to hide.
But they knew not what yet was in store.

So they wandered ‘neath clouds that did billow,
And were lost in the shade of a willow.
But the tree was awake,
And some mischief did make,
Playing Merry and Pippins soft pillow.

As they dozed, the tree made an attack,
And caught two of them inside a crack.
As for help Frodo cried,
A strange scene soon was spied,
As Tom Bombadill beat the tree back!

“Now my merries,” sang Tom, “come along!”
Follow me and my voice, it’s not long.
‘til you meet River Daughter
and eat, like folks ought ter.”
And he ran away singing his song.

What they found was a sight to behold.
At the house lived a maid, hair of gold.
With food was table covered
Soon Frodo discovered,
That the Ring, over Tom, had no hold.

So the hobbits awoke the next day.
And began toward Bree to make way.
So Tom said, “As you go
Please avoid the Barrow
As the wights fill wee folk with dismay.”

So they started off heading for Bree,
In the hopes of old Gandalf to see.
Bombadill came to find
That the lads were entwined
They’d got lost in the wight’s misty sea.

Bombadill freed the hobbits once more
But instead of giving them ‘what for’
Saw them armored with knives
That might save all their lives.
If they only could find the Inn’s door.

They arrived by the road at Bree’s gate,
And they entered, although it was late.
“Here’s the Pony. I will
give the name, “Underhill”
Frodo did, and they all sat and ate.

So the four drank a few “Pints” of beer,
When Frodo the name “Baggins” did hear.
So to shut Pippin’s mouth,
Sang a song from the south,
And mid dance did Frodo disappear!

Well this trick quickly curdled the cider,
And the Ring called out to the black rider.
So the Bree folk all left
And with moves that were deft,
From the shadows appeared one called, Strider.

He grabbed Frodo, now shaking with fear,
And he whispered right into his ear.
“Mr. Baggins” he said,
“A good chase you have led.
But be careful the riders are near!”

And old Butterbur finally came,
To his senses; remembered the name.
“Underhill will come soon.
Gandalf said, “I’ve a boon:
Give this letter to one in the same.”

So the letter from out of the blue,
Would tell them what they already knew:
Strider’s name: Aragorn,
Friend of Westernesse born.
And he was quite a good ranger too.

So the hobbits recovered from fright,
And in Aragorn’s room spent the night.
The black riders’ advance
Didn’t stand half a chance
Since the Hobbit were saved from this plight.

The next day, Barliman saw the rooms,
And ordered Hob and Nob “Bring in some brooms!”
Someone emptied the Stable
We’ll replace, if we’re able
The horses. Quick go see the grooms!”

So the night at the Prancing Pony,
Cost the hobbits none of their money.
That is the reason why,
That Bill Ferney, the spy,
Sold them “Bill,” one small mount that was Bony.

Well the hobbits, plus strider and Bill,
Made a bee-line for Weathertop hill.
Sam recited “the Lay
Of Gil-Galad” (Hooray!)
Then the Nazgul tried Frodo to kill.

As the nightingale softly did sing,
Crept the Nazgul toward the One Ring.
They stabbed Frodo, who yelped
And some Athelas helped
Relieve pain from Morgul-blade’s sting.

But a fragment of the curséd blade
Slowly toward poor Frodo’s heart made
“We must head to the elves:
We can’t cure him ourselves.
Let us go! Or he’ll to a wraith fade!”

As the party sped t’ward Rivendell,
On the wind came the wraith voices fell.
But then into their path
Riding on Asfaloth,
Came an elf warrior great, Glorfindel.

He set Frodo atop of his steed,
And in elvish he bid the horse speed.
“To the Fords, run my friend!
This shall not be the end,
this poor hobbit needs our help indeed.”

And the horse ran his fastest that day,
Though the Nine chanted words of dismay.
Frodo crossed, turned around,
Then collapsed, heard no sound
As the Flood swept the Nazgul Away.

(And so this is the end of book one,
but the story is hardly begun,
Frodo’s fate (and the Ring)
Shall the next five books bring,
Until finally the tale is done)

Book II

When Frodo awoke, so it seems,
He’d recover, as though from bad dreams.
But the quest was not through,
There was much more to do,
Though still haunted by cold Nazgul screams.

How Old Gandalf was filled with delight,
To see Frodo had lived through his plight.
“And our Sam, so ‘tis said,
stayed not far from your bed.
He has been her through Morn, Noon and Night.”

And united the hobbit friends four,
Soundly gave the grey wizard “what for.”
“You had said, ‘Meet at Bree’
at the ‘Prancing Pony’
But you never waltzed in the front door.”

“I am sorry that I was so late.”
Gandalf said, “’twas a strange twist of fate.
But I left Aragorn
From a line of Kings born,
So forgive me for missing our date.”

And as hobbits, they wanted to know
Where on earth the grey wizard did go.
But there wasn’t much time,
For a bell soon did chime,
“To the council, my dear lad, Frodo.”

“But now Gandalf, you’re sure I belong
At this council called by elvish gong?”
“Yes, we two.” He replied.
But the pair had not spied
Samwise Gamgee, who had tagged along.

Well the council was endless, it seems.
For the minutes would fill several reams.
And the entire thing
Focused on Frodo’s Ring,
Evil Sauron’s, though it lightly gleams.

It was forged in the Cracks of Mt. Doom,
By the Dark Lord in history’s gloom.
To subdue all the Rings
of the Elves, Dwarves and Kings,
But he did not see fate’s sly trick loom.

Isuldur took the Shards of the sword,
And with one mighty blow, victory scored.
For from Sauron’s black hand,
He cut off the gold band,
And he thought he’d destroyed the Dark Lord.

But he didn’t set Ring to the fire.
Isuldur thought to make himself higher.
“Sauron’s Ring I do claim,
and my sons ‘heirs’ do name
for the price that I’ve paid was quite dire.

Isuldur left the land of Mordor,
but was waylaid by orcs and what’s more,
The One Ring, him betrayed,
From his finger is strayed,
To the bottom of Anduin’s shore.

So the Orcs shot the King, oh so regal,
And the Ring waited until small Deagol,
Found it under the sand,
Bringing it to the hand,
Of the creature Gollum, known as Smeagol.

For you see, Smeagol wanted the Ring,
And to get it, would do anything.
‘Twas a great source of woe,
Smeagol’s friend became foe.
Gollum, Deagol’s demise then did bring.

Then the creature Gollum his friend kills,
Turns his back, and heads straight for the hills.
So he sought the in the mountains
For the root of all fountains,
Underground did he learn some dark skills.

And years passed, and the Ring, don’t you know,
Would posses Gollum’s mind, and would grow.
But then came a contest
Of which “Baggins” was best.
And the Ring found its way to Bilbo.

And the Tale of the Ring was near done.
For ‘twere none other owners, save one:
Sitting here by the fire,
Frodo late from the Shire,
Brought it out under Rivendell’s sun.

“Yet the Dark Lord’s not gone” Gandalf said,
“To this council we all have been lead.
So it thus is our quest
To see Ring laid to rest.”
Frodo sighed, “Shall we ever be fed?”

“Just a few minutes more, Frodo dear.
First I must list the others found here:
Boromir, Aragorn,
Of the race of men born.
Legolas the elf brings up the rear.”

“Just a moment! I fear you exclude
all the Dwarves,” said he, with attitude.
“I am Gimli, Gloin’s son,
and of Dwarves, you’ll have one!
For all free folk you now must include.”

“Then if one of each race must be sent,
Then Frodo shall the Shire represent.”
“I fear you overlook,
Gamgee, Brandybuck, Took.”
So said Sam, and Gandalf did relent.

Thus did Frodo the task undertake
To attempt Sauron’s Ring to unmake.
“Yet I shall take this quest,
and shall give it my best.
Though I know not the way I should take.”

So the Fellowship left Rivendell,
And began the trek to Mordor, fell.
They tried the mountain pass
Over red Carhadras
But the snowstorms they could not repel.

As they waited, near chest deep in snow,
They debated on which way to go.
To go near Isengard,
Would be awfully hard.
For the wizard, Saruman would know.

“We should try through the mines.” Gimli said.
“Though ‘tis rumored the Hall’s filled with dread.
But a cousin of mine,
Balin, will serve us wine,
And perhaps some fine meat and some bread.”

So the fellowship said their farewell,
To the pony, Bill, who’d served them well.
“Run along, you can find
Bombadill, if you’ve mind.
Fatty Lumpkin our story do tell.”

So they made their way to the rock wall,
That possessed the door to the great hall.
But a riddle they found,
Near the lake, dark and round.
“Speak-Friend-Enter” the moonletters call.

“This is boring” said Pip with a yawn,
as Gandalf his memory did called on.
Merry said, “Just say ‘friend’
Like an elf. And this end
will open.” So Gandalf tried: Mellon.

As the doors to the hall opened wide,
The lurker in the water was spied.
It tried to grab Frodo,
But the others yelled, “NO!”
And they stabbed at the monster, who cried.

So they left door and monster behind,
And their way through the darkness did wind.
But they were not alone
In this hall made of stone,
Besides Orcs was a spirit unkind.

And they rased through the gathering gloom,
At the narrow bridge of Kazad Dum.
Gandalf smote the bridge down,
Hoping Balrog to drown,
But alas, Gandalf there met his doom.

For there was no sort of magic spell,
The Balrog could use, Gandalf to quell.
So it flicked whips of fire,
And Gandalf did they mire.
“Fly you fools” he cried, just as he fell.

And the Fellowship, those that were left,
Watched as Gandalf fell down through the cleft.
As their hope slipped away,
They made for light of day,
But despite the sun, they were bereft.

Aragorn led them on through their flight,
For they feared the orcs coming in might.
“We must head for the Elves
we can’t defend ourselves
against Moria’s army this night.”

So they entered the fair elven wood.
At the banks of Nimrodel it stood.
And the great elven queen,
Whose mind clever and keen,
Gazed at them, and each one understood

And Galadriel turned to Frodo
Saying, “Sam, you and I shall all go
To the mirror and see
Signs of what yet may be,
But all ends even wise folk don’t know”

So the three of them went to the spring,
to see what visions this night would bring,
But the strange elven magic
brought visions too tragic.
"My elf queen, shall I give you the Ring?"

"My dear Frodo, that I can not take,
If I did, a "Dark Queen" would I make.
I would use it for good,
But corrupt me, it would,
In the end; the whole world would I break."

In the morning, fog started to lift,
and the party, down the Anduin drift.
But they each held in hand
something elvish and grand.
For Galadriel gave each a gift.

And among them, the three best were these:
Gardner Sam got a seed from the Trees.
Frodo: phial of star light,
Gimli, three hair strands bright,
The dwarf smiled, "I'll make heirlooms of these!"

As they left, they were all of them dressed
in grey cloaks, with leaf pins on their breast.
They were given Lembas;
all way bread is surpassed,
But the Ring, Boromir's mind possessed.

Ten days later, they reached Amon Hen.
A stronghold of Westerness Men.
Boromir tried to take
Frodo's Ring: big mistake.
For he feard it would happen again.

Frodo slipped on the Ring, then he crept
to the shore where the boats were all kept.
But his Sam knew his mind,
And would not stay behind,
So together, into the fire leapt.

They took one of the boats, heading east.
As the Ring caused the friendship to cease.
So the fellowship broke,
Frodo bore the Ring's yoke,
Under tear-filled eyes, brows tense and creased.

(And as Middle Earth rides these dark hours,
as the Dark Lord unleashes his powers,
To find out the Ring's fate,
you shall just have to wait.
For the tale focused on the Two Towers)