There once was Dwarf fully geared
Who went fearlessly where others feared
He offered his stealth
And his tales of wealth
But most selfishly cried "Not the beard!"
This Dwarf who was quick with his whacks
Didn't pause when a-swinging his axe
All the heads of the orcs
Went a-popping like corks
As he kept a good tally, ex-zacts.
With red meat a-stuck in his teethy,
A Dwarf took a bite thick and beefy,
So glad to at last
Be beyond and out past
All that Elven glop, greenish and leafy.
While boasting of ears like a fox,
And eyes just as sharp as a hawk's,
Too loud did he seethe,\
puff, bellow and breathe,
And ended in Lorien's stocks!
Three hunters traversed grass and stone,
And by smoke to an orc-pile did hone;
Two sniffed with disgust,
But the other, nonplussed,
Topped with steak sauce, had orc off the bone.
- Primula
There once was a dwarf name of Gimli
Who thought all elves came down the chimney
Till he met Greenleaf
(Assassin in chief)
Whose arrow his beard gave a trim-lee!
There once was a dwarf from Nantucket
Who had a great ax and could chuck it
He said with a smile
As he tossed it a mile
When we get there you'll find Orcs in a bucket!
- Jennan O Possums
There once was a dwarf, oh so fine!
In anger he stepped out of line;
He distrusted the Elf,
But then found himself
Pledging axe blade as one of the Nine.
He had often passed through the Shire
When traveling along with his sire.
Yet he knew very little
Of small hobbits' mettle;
He learned much on his way to the Fire!
He likes his red meat on the bone,
Tastes best from an animal full-grown;
Though lembas is fine,
For meat he does pine;
For protein his stomach does groan!
