There once were some fir-trees a-fire,
For the 'birds' in the trees fleeing ire
Had found themselves trapp'd
Hiding place: *sizzle-snap!*
Til' an Eagle-lift took them up higher.
There once was a hobbit poetic,
Regarded as cracked-up aesthetic,
He wrote and he dream'd
An entire book it seem'd,
About many adventures frenetic.
A-walking went two Baggins packin'
Their knapsacks no adventures lackin'
"Old Bilbo's odd, true,
But now there are two!
'Cause he's crack'd and young Frodo is crackin'!"
A hobbit named Bilbo was he
who traveled with Dwarves just to see
if there be dragon's gold
as was told of in old
'cause burglars don't burgle for free.
Bilbo by a dark lake once riddled,
With a creature who whined, and who snivelled;
But his pocked did keep
A prize not to be beat -
So with golden trinket he skediddled!
There once was a bear-man, Beorn,
Who was happiest lonesome forlorn,
But he found himself host
To a gaggle (at most)
Of hobbit and Dwarves one bright morn.
Now Beorn was a grouchy old host,
But his honey was better than most,
So it was his luck
That with guests he was stuck
For like bees, it's his table they knowst.
A hobbit to lakeshore once touched,
And with Dwarves he was welcomed and such,
But when called for a speech,
At a Lakeshoreman's feast,
All he said was "Thag you very buch!"
Along came a dragon named Smaug
Who flamed every tree, branch and log
Dwarves ran in fright
Birds talked outright
And a burglar emerged from the fog.
Smaug really is misunderstood,
A dragon just cannot do good
No matter how hard he tries,
It all ends in cries,
When he catches fat dwarves for his pud!
It's not just that dragons are greedy,
No! For gold and bright jewels they're quite needy:
On a horde in the Deep's
The only way they can sleep.
So let napping dragons lie - that's my creed-y!
- Daughter of Kings
And elderly hobbit who wrote,
Was convinced to climb into a boat,
But his ponderous weight
Soon proved far too much freight...
"I told you that hobbits can't float!"