Limericks for the Balrog

There once was a balrog named Bisby
Who liked to toast everything crispy
He scared off the Dwarves
Terrified the Orcs
And cleared out the mountains named Misty.

- Idril

Meeting at Khazad-Dum

Evil Balrog breathing red flame
Eyes glaring from smoky mane
Whip of fire, lashing
Grey Wizard, trashing
Gandalf the Great meets Durin's Bane

- Shelob

I don't understand why they run.
I really can be lots of fun.
I'll toast the marsh mellows
For all kids of fellows.
And then we can make Hot Cross Buns.


There once was a Balrog named, Fred,
Who sighed, "I'd be better off dead.
When I come out to play
Every one runs away!
How I hate causing such fear and dread."

- Lindorie

O Fred is a soft-hearted fellow,
Whose character really is mellow.
But folk think he's bad
'Cause he sometimes gets mad;
But he's really a big soft marshmallow!

(albeit a hot one!)


There once was a Balrog named Paul.
Who's appearance was anything but small.
He tried to make friends,
but the story always ends,
with him burning them up with his paw.

- The Foe Hammer

O Paul was a big-hearted guy,
Who really gave friendship a try;
But they all ran away
In the end his dismay
Made him mad; and he burned the small fry!


There once was a Balrog from Nantuckett
Who dreamed of a game winning puck hit.
But once at the rink,
Ice would melt, puck would sink,
Only thing safe was the metal spit bucket.

- Xethian

Old Gandalf he put up a fight
His staff in defense shown forth light,
But his own light was dim
As he went over the rim
And the tears on friends' faces were bright.

The Balrog he fought high and low,
To the dark places down they did go.
Then back up on high,
Fire lightening the sky
And the Balrog received fatal blow.


The Balrog did laugh "Look at me!"
While he giggled and chortled with glee.
As he put out his flame
and then lit it again.
"How it tickles, Teeheehee, tee hee."

- Lindorie

On the Balrog I've waxed eloquent,
And a couple of limericks sent.
I've much work to do --
rather be here with you --
But it really is time that I went!

One last word on the Balrog I'll say:
I suppose he had had a bad day.
I think you would too,
If orcs lived with you!
On that subject that's all I will say!

- Linaewen

The Balrog was taking a nap
with a furry flame-hound on his lap
Then way deep in his gizzard
he sensed an old wizard
and woke up to go give him a slap.

-The Foe Hammer

There once was a Balrog named Primula
Her fiery breath could burn through ya'
She loved grilled goblins
And toasted orc muffins
Also, rare, roast Wizard could thrill her!

- Shelob

A Balrog Lass wanted a suitor
Said "I think that I'll try the computer."
When she touched the keyboard,
It went up with a roar
Not a way to find someone to woo her.


With all this limericking, and all these lonely Balrogs,
I think a limerick dating agency is required!

All these Balrogs we've seen are quite glum,
So why don’t we give ‘em some fun!
A dating service is needed,
As the loney Balrogs pleaded,
That being single was dumb!

So all entries need a name, and a bit of info about the lonely Balrog. Sound o.k?
My entry:

I'm a Balrog looking for love,
Not one who'll give the shove,
Please give me a chance,
I can make your heart dance,
And oh, I have an obsession with gloves!

- Niphredil

I'm a lonely balrog from mount Doom
I'm bored stuck in my dark room
I've a good sense of humour
Disregard the rumour
That I send many people to their toom(b)!
Ba bump!

-Gimli's Goat

In reply:
I've read your entry and think,
That we should go out for a drink,
Your rumour sounds fine,
But you might not like mine,
People say that I stink.

- Niphredil

Its a date!
Dont worry about stinking
I'd love to go drinking
When the weather gets fine
I know you'll be mine
Rain puts me out but I love the sunshine!

-Gimli's Goat

Well lets not wait till the summer,
Or you might have found another,
For our very first date,
I'll see you at 8,
Outside the 'Balrog and Plummer'.

- Niphredil

A Balrog’s Temper

O a Balrog's temper is hot,
A friendly fellow he's not!
And if you come near,
You'll regret it, I fear;
For a lot of trouble you've bought!

O a Balrog's temper is keen,
For he's always venting his spleen.
He's got a mean whip
That will ruin your trip,
If anywhere near him you're seen.

No wonder our wizard did sigh
When he realized they'd come near this guy.
"What new devilry's this?"
"One you gladly would miss
If you could! Let's away from here fly!"

You'd be wise to take this advice,
'Cause a Balrog's temper's not nice.
He's just downright bad,
And frequently mad!
I hope I need not say it twice!

Stay away from the Balrog's hot lair!
You really don't want to go there
If you want to avoid
Having him be annoyed;
If he sees you, his temper will flare.

O a Balrog's temper is hot,
A friendly fellow he's not!
And if you come near,
You'll regret it, I fear;
For a lot of trouble you've bought!


Balrog day, it was a blast
Hours flew by, all to fast
The stories and rhyme
Proved a wonderful time
Now, to bed and rest, at last!

- Shelob
The Real Reason the Fellowship met the Balrog

Said the she-Balrog, "I've had quite enough.
Of your moaning and groaning 'Hot Stuff'
Get right out there and fight
Make those 'vermin' take flight
I know you can do it, you're tough.

Those men, elves, and dwarves make a mess,
And those hobbits, they really are pests.
That old wizard is trouble,
Rid of him, on the double,
then the Fellowship will have one less."

Said the he-Balrog then, "Yes my dear.
I'll go out and wreak havoc and fear.
I'll be rid of them quick,
My fiery whip I will flick,
And we'll have no more trouble this year.

- Lindorie