I think I have time to get this posted, so here it goes. This topic
has been running around in my brain for a few months. The trigger to
actually trying to put my thoughts down in some sort of cognizant form
was an earlier post in response to a discussion on this board about
Arwen giving up on life so soon after the death of Aragorn. The poster
commented that they thought Arwen still had plenty to live for; her
children and grandchildren-to-be being the most important. I had never
questioned Arwen's inability to continue on in Middle Earth after the
death of her lover, her husband, her king. But I was not sure why,
especially as I absolutely believe that people can often live
fulfilling, meaningful, happy lives after losing a loved spouse.
So how is Arwen's story different? I think something my grandmother
told me when she was in her late 80's helps explain my acceptance of
Arwen's decision as much as anything else. My grandmother, although she
was still mentally alert, keeping up with current events, capable of
taking care of herself and not in pain (to my knowledge), told me that
she was ready to go whenever her time was up. She noted that her
parents had long since died, as had her husband, and not only was she
the last of her siblings, but she had just lost the last of her old
friends. She had wonderful, loving relationships with her children,
grandchildren, and great grandchildren, but it was not enough.
As I grow older, I think that I understand more clearly just how
connected we are with the people, culture, society, and world events of
our childhood and adolescence. Those influences on our growth,
personality and moral development become very ingrained into who we
are. As we age, the world around us also changes. Good grief, my
grandmother depended on a horse and buggy in her youth and now if you
don't keep up with the newest electronic advances you are almost left
in the dust!
My grandmother's children and grandchildren, although they loved her,
could not know/understand her as well as someone who had lived and
experienced the same world view. They did not share the same base of
knowledge and reality.
Arwen was an immortal elf who chose to stay in Middle Earth with a
mortal man. Her people, who she had spent several thousand years with,
left her behind. I have no doubt she loved her children as much as
anyone could. However, when her anchor, her only reson for staying in
such a foreign environment, died she must have felt totally abandoned.
NO ONE could have possibly understood who she was. How could they? How
could beings who lived for just a short smattering of years possibly
understand someone who had lived thousands of years? The whole rhythm
of their lives would be totally different. No matter how well she had
adjusted to the world of men, it could never be hers. My goodness, just
one fairly glaring example is that in LOTR the elves seemed to be
content to wait a thousand or more years before marrying (which is just
as well, Middle Earth would have been overpopulated long before the
Third Age if they had the same drive to procreate as mankind does!)
While Arwen loved her children, they only knew her as their mother.
They also were born into, and grew up in, a very different world. They
could not understand or know her as did those who had left to travel
over the sea.
In my very humble opinion, Arwen really did not have any reason to stay
in Middle Earth after Aragorn died (whether or not such an option was
available to her). I have no doubt she would have stayed if her
children still needed her, but then Aragorn would not have chosen to
die until he was sure they were able to take up the threads of their
lives. All of which makes Arwen's decision to stay in Middle Earth with
Aragorn even more poignant. It boggles my mind to contemplate how
radical the change was for Arwen, going from living in a society where
everyone could expect to live till the end of time to one where they
lived only for about - what, maybe 100 years (her husband was, thank
goodness, the exception and lived over 200 years - still a smidge of
time compared to the life span of an elf). The very fabric and rhythm
of everyday life had to have been different between these two extremes.
Arwen must have been very brave, confident, wise and very much in love
to have chosen to live just a smattering of years with Aragorn, among
people who were not part of her world view.
