The Rubbish Bin

Bad Writing by Empress JuJu

Junior on the Battlefield

Empiress Juju (dressed in full armour and heavily armed) approaches the battlefield on her faithful steed Mansbane , followed closely by her personal guard Junior .

Looking down I see the smurf (hideous creatures) and say 'look Junior I promised you a treat' Junior gobbles up the smurf and grunts for more . 'Save your appetite for the battle Junior' . I give a bit of torn cloth to Junior to sniff(for tracking purposes) . 'This came from Laiquendi's cloak , I want him alive , we need him for information.' We depart into the trees and wait until the moment is right.

The smurf had quickly hidden and it was actually warg dung that Junior ate.

Junior and I have spent the day observing the battle from afar evaluating the situation and the strengths and weaknesses of those involved .

Mansbane grazes nearby .I stand in front of Junior , hands on hips, craning neck to look up at my giant companion .

'You just quit your stropping about that warg dung , you had plenty to eat when you ate all my men, you're appetite is a liability, though I have to say I wouldn't have minded taking a bite out of a couple of them myself hehe .BTW you still have a bit of Charlie in your teeth...no, no, just there... there, you've got it .

It seems there is already a battle over this land and it's people. I can't believe I've come all the way from the new world and there's hardly a peasant left for me to rule and oppress '.

I drop kick my crown and sit on a boulder with my chin in my hands .

'It's so hard to find good subjects these days , all the really good kingdoms are taken , blasted men! If I had two , I'd be the king'!!
'what's this?' Just then the post arrives by Eagle (eat your heart out Harry Potter) 'It's the newspaper, oh good there's some property available '.

"For Sale :Mordor ,DIY special , fixer upper , castle destroyed in unnatural dissaster , but plenty of land to build on . Surrounded by mountains , warm balmy weather . Pests have been a problem , may need to have exterminators in .Lot's of treasure and magical items to be found throughout .May need to evict squatters . Summer house in Henneth Annun is included , has lovely pool , waterfall and good fishing .Interested parties please respond to Middle Earth realty "

'Now that's just the ticket for us Junior , sounds perfect .Wonder who these squatters are? Well I suppose if we can get any work out of them it might not be a bad arrangement .I figure you can eat this realator , I'll grab the deed and we'll both be on our merry way to our new home '.

Empiress Juju and her motley band head off into the sunset.

'Hey maybe we'll run into some orcs on the way Junior, a bit of a scrap will cheer us up '

Junior is the cave troll from FOTR , he's my personal bodyguard .
He ate all my men that came ashore with me from the new world . Can't be blamed really , we all smelled of fish from the long sea journey . I happened to discover by accident how to calm him , besides he was full by the time he got to me and had a horrible belly ache . Guessing it was gas , I gave him a couple of good whacks on the back , he let out 3 tremendous smelly troll burps and grinned ear to ear and that was the beggining of our strange but beautiful friendship . he's not bad company really if you don't mind his breath and troll farts so much ( I do ,but find it keeps most enemies at bay so I just try to stay upwind).

I got the name for Junior from a post I read but can't remember who posted it , she said that Junior wasn't really all bad he had just fell in with a bad lot .