Lamentable Laughs

Bad Writing by Fellowshipfan

The Dark Lord of Oz

"Who will take the Ruby Slippers?" Gandalf asked again.

"You mean the One Ring, right?" Frodo asked.

The Free Peoples of Middle-earth were gathered in counsel to try to decide what to do with the One Ring. It seemed that the Dark Lord had been killed and so the Ring passed onto others. Now the Dark Lord really wasn't dead, and so he returned and was looking for his Ruby Slippers.I mean One Ring.

"Quite right, the One Ring, but the point is who will take the thing? It must be taken back to the Land of Oz so it can be destroyed!"

"You mean the Land of Mordor, don't you?"

"Right again, Frodo," Gandlaf said. "It must be taken to that place to the Dark Lord of Wizard of Mordor--wait!--I'm the Wizard of Mordor. No, not of Mordor just Wizard; I'm the Good Fairy of the North! Hmm.That's not right either-oh well. What was I saying? So that BAD GUY can't find the Ring and destroy our homes. His servants, the Winged Monkeys."

"Ringwraiths!" Frodo said, but Gandalf didn't hear him.

".are already looking for it."

Silence filled the whole room. Then a man from Gondor stood up. "Once does not simply go skipping down the yellow brick road into Mordor. It is dangerous, not with a whole army of tin men, scarecrows, and lions could you do this - it is folly."

Frodo looked around shyly. "I just want to go home."

"Yes," Gandalf sighed. "I suppose you miss your Auntie Em."

"Uncle Bilbo!" cried Frodo exasperated.

"Oh yes. But Frodo, if the Ruby Slippers are not destroyed the Dark Lord of Oz will take over Middle-earth. You won't have home to go to; there won't be any Munchkin Land."

"Shire!" Frodo wondered how many more time he would have to correct Gandalf. "Alright, I will take the Ring, though; I do not know the way."

"That's simple," Gandalf said. "Just turn left on the yellow brick road."

"Ha!" cried Sam from some nearby bushes. "Mr. Frodo isn't going anywhere without me. I will go and try to find some courage."

"Wait, we're coming too!" called Merry and Pippin as they came running up.

"Splendid, splendid," Gandalf said happily. "You both shall go as well. Pippin can to find some brains; he can surely use them and Merry-what is the last thing? Oh yes! A heart, Merry will go and try to find a heart."

"A heart?" Merry asked puzzled. "Why would I need that, I already have one?"

"Well go anyway, I'm sure you can find a use for a second. Now off you go, Toto!"

And so the four of them set off, Frodo for his home, Sam for his courage, Pippin for his brains, and Toto.I mean Merry to a heart he didn't need. The foursome went skipping down the yellow brick road singing, "We're off to defeat the Dark Lord, the most wicked Dark Lord of Oz!"

"Of MORDOR!" Gandalf called after them. "Hobbits," he muttered shaking his head, "can't they ever get anything right?"