Humorous Angst


Humor in Wizards
by Pyewacket

Mmmm....you might be wondering about the title of this piece. I mean humor in wizards??? I know you think all wizards as being scholarly, noble, ancient and wise. They have power not only in their minds, but of their spirits, of their souls. They have power---period. Oh yes, while here in Middle Earth, they must refrain from unleashing the full potent of the powers they are capable of---they must appear and act human-like, although, of course, they are of the Maiar. From time to time, of course, they do exhibit their powers, but in very subtle ways. They all have the gift of communicating with the birds, beasts and insects of the world. They can create light where there is no light----they can create a powerful beacon, emanating from their staffs to drive away the Nazgul. Wizards are knowledgeable of all languages of Middle-Earth and are learned men of letters and of writings.

But humor in wizards??

Oh, yes! There is much humor--at least, that was my discovery much to my astonishment, for once again, I'm here in the library of Minas Tirith. Oh, how I love this place. A lot wouldn't agree with me...It is, after all, a rather cold, dank place. Not much light either, save for only a few candles. Can't risk the chance of a fire with all these valuable written works. The place isn't large, yet, wherever one looks, there isn't one inch of space that isn't filled with large, weighty tomes and numerous scrolls scattered all over the place. Some of the tomes and scrolls are so very fragile. Eru knows how old some of them are as there are no recorded dates on them.

The pages of the tomes and parchment of the scrolls ae discolored with age, the writing so faint, the pages so very brittle--one has to take care in handling them. There is one section of the library, containing copies of the written records by the Elves themselves. Ah! Alas, I cannot read them, for they are all written in Quenya--these I believe are the oldest records here, dating back, no doubt when Elves first appeared on Middle-Earth.
Not all records here contain momentous, serious words of deep thought--some are quite humorous. You can imagine my delight and surprise, when one night, while browsing through the scrolls, I happened to come across a number of entries written by none other than Gandlaf himself. Oh yes, he does have serious entries, but it's so nice to know he had a downright wicked sense of humor as well. Unfortunately, he wasn't good at dating many of his records--I can't help wondering, if perhaps, he may have been just a bit absent-minded at times.
I like to share with you some of his entries--this first one is the "actual" first accounting of his coming to Middle-Earth itself.


Entry #1:

Third age: ~~~~ A dark, menace seems to be manifesting upon Middle-Earth. Eru himself has instructed some of us of the Maiar to appear and stop this new threatening evil. We are to be known as the Order of the Istari,and have the appearance as that of the race of men--yet, truth be known,
I'm not particularly too fond of my appearance.
Curunir, who is to be the chief of the Order, looks quite stunning actually
Long, long stark white hair, and a long white beard. Yet, oh my, how he hates his style of clothing. He is forever trying to come across as noble, regal and grandiose......but honestly, I often have to stifle my laughter, as he is forever
tripping and stumbling over his own feet--his blinding white wizard's garb is far too long for him. Can't maintain his lofty manner for long, when he's always falling on his hind quarters.

Then there's Radagast. A rather jolly sort of fellow, who reminds me of a
huge, cuddly bear--he has such a kind-hearted temprament. His long,chesnut-brown hair and beard is always wild and askew. He seems to have
taken to the birds and the beasts of Middle-Earth, preferring their company to the members of the Order. He always has brambles and flowers and twigs
in his hair--which I admit, does make his look a bit crazed. Curumir thinks him an imbecile, and constantly makes fun of him all the time. But at least, he doesn't have the haughty airs like Curumir.

Then there's me---Olorin. I look in the mirror and sigh----Oh why, oh why,did we all have to have the appearance of being so old?-------can't very well attract the female gender looking like someone's grandfather. Also,
I look so drab----Gandalf the Grey they often call me--Grey is right.
I seemed to have been given this dull, gloomy, colored grey cloak, with this ridiculous, long silver scarf---why the scarf I don't know---doesn't exactly have any real purpose, and doesn't keep me warm-----My hair and beard
while almost as long as Curumir's is not immaculately white--but also of a grey color.

And I don't know which is worse---these hideous, immense black boots
I wear, or this dumb, yes, dumb blue pointed hat I seem to have to always wear upon my head. Now Curumir--he wears these nice cozy, comfy, white silken boots that are nice and light--He can positively scare you to death, as you can never hear him walk--so light on his feet he can be--which actually isn't that often--with his tripping over his garment and all.

And the hat-----I'm going to have to ask Eru, when our tasks are done
like what is the deal here with this stupid hat---when I wear it upon my head, and the wind blows, I blow in the direction of the wind itself. Hard
to maintain the status of a respectable wizard when you're blowing all over the place.